Putting Your Spouse First is HARD


It's everywhere, this advice. Put your marriage first, before your children, before your home, before anything else in which you value. Put your spouse first and your marriage will be strong. You will endure. 

But does anyone ever really talk about how hard this can be sometimes? Maybe they do... but I have recently discovered that this advice is really quite difficult to follow. I mean really, there's a household to run, babies to raise, a business to create, and then of course theres yourself that you have to occasionally take care of too. 

But then there's your spouse. They need you. You need them. You both know that, but how does it actually come into play? You both know that without one another, this life you're living, all the responsibilities that you love so much, they wouldn't exist. Your marriage is the root of anything that you are currently building. And with anything, it must be nurtured. We all know that. But put first? Damn that's hard.

It's hard when by the end of the day, you are so tired you can hardly get up to brush your teeth or finish the dishes that so desperately need to be done, let alone spend some quality time doing something that makes your spouse happy. As a stay at home mom of twins, it can be hard to be touched, needed, and whined to all day. They are babies, it's what they do. But when your spouse comes home and needs more from you, too... that's hard. Of course they need you, just as much as you need them after a long day of raising babies. Most days, they will put their hard day aside to make sure you get your well deserved break. Some days, you will have to be the one to put aside the blood, sweat, and tears to give him the break. 

Pull yourself up. Do it. It will be the hardest part of your already hard day. But they will notice. They will be changed by this. This will move them silently inside. They may not notice at first, the sacrifice that you have made for them, but it will create quiet, unwavering strength. 

Stay up late to talk it out, fight it out, hug it out - like you used to, when you had all the time in the world. Cook their favourite meal. Send them shopping for themselves - not the babies - with the little extra money that you can hardly spare. Send them to an outrageously priced yoga class. Kiss them on the forehead in the midst of the chaos. Let them know that they are your number one, no matter what, even when you are mad at them. Even when you don't like them. Make sure that they know, even then, that you love them. 

Putting your spouse first is HARD. But this, this is how you survive: by growing love in the middle of a drought. Never stop growing a little love. Ever. 

Take good care, lovelies.

Wedding Planning Tips To Help You Stay Grounded

Wedding planning!!! We have a year and a half engagement so we have had a lot of time to figure our shit out if you know what I mean... Even then, it has been overwhelming at times, especially now that there is only 21 days left! I have been thinking back to our first few months of engagement and these are some tips that I wish someone would have told me.

1. Pin a lot, but don't mimic or expect everything to come to life straight from your inspiration boards. There is a ton of really great inspiration online that can kickstart your wedding planning process but sometimes it can be overwhelming and it can also set your expectations a bit too high. Don't get me wrong you most definitely should have incredibly high expectations for your wedding day but it is really important to keep in mind that the wedding is symbolic and the important part is that you're marrying someone really special. You also want to showcase both of your personalities using inspiration from what you find online, not mimic exactly that. It's so easy to get swept up in the Pinterest vortex, but make sure you're being realistic and not stretching or over stressing yourself.

2. Create your own checklist. There are hundreds of checklists and timelines that you can follow but every wedding, every bride, and every relationship is different. Compile the checklists that are most reliable and realistic for your specific wedding day. I printed at least 10 from Pinterest and ended up making one that was perfect for what I wanted my day to be.

3. Let the people who want to help, help, and let those who are uninterested be. I spent a few months at the beginning of our engagement trying to really engage my bridesmaids in the planning process, because I was so dang excited. I didn't really realize at first that there are a few reasons this wouldn't work. Firstly, everybody still has their own life happenings, and while that is common sense, I got a bit overexcited and thought that they would make more of an effort. Secondly, when you have a group of girls that are coming together to support you, personalities can conflict. I had a lot of this in my bridal party which seriously upset me at first, until I realized that they're not in the wedding party to be friends with each other, they're in the wedding party to support me on my day and be of help on the way. You asked your girls to be in the party for a reason, so cling to that. Don't expect everybody to be friends or be super engaged in the planning process because in all honesty, there isn't THAT much to be done that you'll need all hands on deck for other than the actual day. Let your friends and family help where they offer and have one key person picked out that you can ask for specific and constant help (my person is my momma) and let the rest be.

4. The wedding is one day of your life. One very special day that signifies the beginning of your life with your best friend. But please, keep in mind that it is one singular day, out of a thousand more days that you will be blessed with. It is so important to keep this in mind when you're budgeting, mainly. Try your best to keep yourself out of debt when planning your wedding. It is such an expensive aspect of marriage, but there are ways around starting your life together in debt from your wedding. More tips on keeping costs low to come! I will be posting more and more about my wedding planning process as the day sneaks up on us, so stay tuned! For now, I hope this helps you keep some of the important factors in mind. It truly is the marriage that is the most important, the wedding day may be a dream but it is secondary to the person you are committing yourself to for the rest of your life. Always keep that in mind!

Take good care, lovies!